User blog:MrAwesome300/MOIST HISTORY
Welcome to Moist History. I bet some of you hate rain and storms, but what if it effected history as we know it? WELL, HERE IS WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE! Hitler Hitler never killed the jews because he almost got sucked into a giant talking evil rain cloud. But a Jew saved his life. Moist History! Edison THOMAS EDISON INVENTED THE LIGHTBULB BECAUSE HE WAS BLIND AND THEN ONE DAY HE ALMOST GOT KILLED BY LIGHTNING. THEN HE MADE A LIGHT BULB, AMAZINGLY BLIND (he was born with 6 arms), AND THEN STUCK THE LIGHT BULB TO HIS EYES. THEN THE LIGHT WAS SO HOT HE COULD SEE AGAIN! HURRAH! AND HE ALSO GOT HIS 6 ARMS LOOKED AT BY A DOCTOR, WHO ALSO REVEALED THAT HIS REAL NAME IS LLOYD AHLQUIST. MOIST HISTORY! Michael Jordan Michael Jordan one day went to play outside but it was raining. His mom was like "Your ass better not get outside, you bastard", but Michael Jordan ignored his mom. So he went outside to play some basketball and shit and then got struck by lightning (a lot of these stories will involve lightning)! He was given magical powers to dunk on people and be the best playa in the entire world. So, thanks to moist rain and crap, he became the most ballin' baller in the land. He also battled an emo kid. MOIST HISTORY! Noah's Ark ' A BC TABLOID REPORTER TOLD NOAH THAT THERE WASN'T GOING TO BE A BIG STORM THAT WASHED EVERYBODY! ALTHOUGH THIS WAS A BIG FRICKIN' LIE, NOAH WAS DISAPPOINTED AND BUILT A BOAT OUT OF ANGER AND FOR SOME REASON STOLE EVERYBODY'S ANIMALS. THEN HE BUILT A PAIR OF WINGS, AND FLEW UP TO THE CLOUDS AND TOLD ZEUS "DUDE, YOU MUST MAKE IT STORM!" SO ZEUS MADE IT STORM AND THEN GOD AND ZEUS ARGUED WHO WAS THE REAL GOD. THEN GOD RELEASED ALL OF THE WORLD'S POWER ONTO ZEUS AND KILLED HIM. THIS PART DIDN'T AFFECT THE STORM IN ANY WAY, BUT IT STILL STORMED AND HAILED AND SHIT. MOIST HISTORY!' Video Games One day, a worker at Nintendo was so bored that he took a break from doing early 1980s things and looked at the rain outside. He was like "Wow, it's raining. Ok." But suddenly he got stoned off his ass and then the storm clouds turned into a big blue sky place. Suddenly, pipes and mushrooms and big brown blocks popped up. Then came this mustachoed plumber! Then, after he got stoned off his ass, the guy made this system called the Nintendo Entertainment System, made the game called Super Mario Brothers (after his stone-ment), and then got rich and bought useless crap. MOIST HISTORY! Harry Potter One day, Harry Potter was having those damn nightmares about Voldemort again! DAYUM! But then Voldemort came and was like "Uh, yeah, I'd like to kill Harry Potter. Is he here?" Then the ghost of Dumbledore showed him where he was and they thought that fighting outside was more epic than being inside. I think it's epic, too. Then suddenly, Voldemort got rained on but for some reason the rain was made of toxic waste. Then Harry put on the special toxic no-no suit and didn't get hurt! Voldemort died and Harry lived and did some wizard stuff. MOIST HISTORY! Teddy Fights a Huge Ass Dog One day, Teddy Roosevelt was done with the ERB News and then went out hiking. Suddenly, a big ass dog came up and said "Hello, I'm a big ass dog. IMMA EAT YOU UP" and then suddenly Teddy killed the huge ass dog. Then the huge ass dog's dead slobber and the rain in a storm mixed to create the formula for a Hershey bar! I ALWAYS KNEW THAT STUFF WAS MADE OF SLOBBER! So, the story is done. MOIST HISTORY! Category:Blog posts